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Jewish Funeral Customs 

When death takes a loved one, life seems empty and the future dark. Jews have guidance at sad times in our lives, because tradition has outlined ways to deal with death and its grief. Modern psychology has recognized the therapeutic value of the Jewish rituals and practices which help us to express our grief rather than repress it, to talk about our loss with friends and to move step by step from inactivity to normal living.

preparations

What To Do When a Death Occurs

Call the Jewish Funeral Home to arrange for proper care of the deceased. If a death occurs in a hospital, their staff can make this call for you. If a loved one dies out of town, call a Jewish funeral facility. If funeral prearrangements have not been made, you can ease the strain of planning the funeral by having someone, perhaps a close friend or family member, help you make decisions.

If you need assistance in choosing the funeral home, cemetery or other arrangements call  Rabbi Dimarsky atl 773/973-1800

Before the Funeral

Telephone immediate family, close friends and employer or business colleagues. Once the funeral time has been set, prepare the obituary. Items to consider including are: age, place of birth, cause of death, occupation, college degrees, memberships in organizations, military service or noteworthy achievements. List survivors in the immediate family. Give the time and place of the funeral. Suggest where memorial contributions may be made. Choose the pallbearers. Pallbearers are necessary when a funeral is held at the Synagogue; they are optional for a graveside service. Six people who can carry the casket are needed. It is customary not to choose immediate family members (like husband, brother or son). You will need to discuss the eulogy with the Rabbi. Be open and give as much personal insight as possible. Avoid false or exaggerated praise. Tell the good things enthusiastically; remember to mention what might be best left unsaid. It is wise to arrange for a house sitter during the funeral. Criminals often use obituaries to determine a time to break into homes.

The Mourner

The period of time between death and burial is called anninus and the bereaved is called an onen. The prime responsibility of the onen is to arrange the funeral. During this time, an onen is exempt from positive religious obligations. Only relatives or very close friends should visit during this time, primarily to help make arrangements for the funeral and shivah. After the funeral, a mourner is known as an avel. One is a mourner by obligation for parents, children, siblings or spouse.

Preparation for Burial

Our tradition has long stood for simplicity in funerals and mourning. A simple wooden casket is preferred. An ornate all-wood casket, though ritually acceptable, is not in the spirit of the law. Cremation is strictly forbidden. Before the deceased is dressed for burial, we observe the ritual of tahara, of ritual washing, done by the hevra kadisha (the Sacred Society). We dress the body only in traditional burial shrouds, tachrichin, which are simple white garments. Jewish tradition does not allow autopsies. However, there are times when an autopsy might be required by law or is needed for other reasons. Each case must be reviewed independently. Speak to Rabbi Dimarsky for further information. Jewish tradition does not allow embalming.

Flowers

Flowers are not part of Jewish mourning practice. In the spirit of honoring the memory of the dead by helping the living, suggest in the obituary that in lieu of flowers, donations be directed to Heritage Russian Jewish Congregation or to other appropriate charity. In Russian community many people feel very strong about bringing flowers to the funeral. If people bring flowers you can accept them.

funeral

The Funeral Service

A funeral can be held at graveside, the Synagogue or in the chapel of the Funeral home or cemetery. A service held only at graveside includes the same elements as those begun at another location. It is shorter because certain elements are repeated when a service is held in two locations. A graveside funeral is no less dignified nor less giving of honor to the deceased than any other service. The funeral service is brief. Selections are read from Psalms and a eulogy, depicting the life of the deceased as a guide for the living, is presented. Kel maleh rachamim, which expresses our faith in the immortality of the soul, is recited on most days. Once at graveside, the service consists of recitation of tziduk ha-din, a prayer which expresses our acceptance of God's decisions.

Kriah

Kriah is a centuries old symbol of inner grief and mourning. Mourners stand as they perform it, showing we face grief directly and that we will survive, even without our beloved departed. Before the cut is made, mourners say the blessing:

"Boruch Ato Ado-noy Eloheinu Melech Ha-Olom Dayan ha-Emes"

"Blessed are You God, King of the universe, true Judge", which is a reaffirmation of faith.

Shoveling Earth

After the casket is fully in the grave, the interment is begun by shoveling some earth into the grave. This mitzvah, is known as chesed shel emes, true loving-kindness. This mitzvah demonstrates our continuing concern for the deceased as we make sure the final journey of the met is completed. Participating in this mitzvah has been shown to be of great psychological benefit for mourners since it serves as an important action of finality and closure. After the grave is completely covered with earth, the mourners say Kadish.

After the funeral, those attending form two lines to let the mourners pass between them.
As they do, traditional words of comfort are said:

"Ha-makom yinachem es-chem besoch she-ar aveilei tziyon veerushalayim."

"May God comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."

Children at a Funeral

Should children attend a funeral? There is no hard and fast rule that applies. If a child is old enough to understand the purpose of the funeral and to know that people will be upset, then generally that child should come to the funeral. The child should sit with an adult he or she knows during the service. Remember that children need the opportunity to say "good-bye" to a loved one as do adults. It is not good to deprive a child who is old enough to understand of an opportunity to say farewell and to begin to grieve. 

shivah

Shivah

Shivah lasts seven days. The day of the funeral is the first day and one hour of the seventh day counts as a full day. Shivah is suspended at couple hours before Shabbos and is resumed after Shabbos is over. If a major holiday, such as Pesach, Shavuos, Sukkos, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur falls during the shivah period, shivah is concluded at couple hours before the festival. 

The shivah period begins after the interment with a simple meal, the seudas havra'ah, the meal of consolation. There is a custom to rinse one's hands with water before entering the house for the meal. This meal, traditionally provided by family and friends for the mourners, is not meant to serve as a social following the funeral. Since it is a time to rest and contemplate the day's events, only family and closest of friends should attend. A party-like atmosphere should not be allowed to develop. The menu for this meal traditionally includes hard-boiled eggs, a symbol of life, and round food, such as lentils, which symbolize the turning of the wheel of life, with its ups and downs.

Sitting Shivah

Mourners should try to stay together at the place where shivah is observed. If they cannot, they may sleep in their own homes and return to the shivah house in the morning. Mourners should not go to work during this time. In its wisdom, our tradition recognizes that when a major change in life has taken place, the survivor needs to step out of everyday activity for a while. If it is imperative for a person to go back to work, one may return after three full days. However, this does not end shivah. After the work day is over, one should return home and resume shivah observance.

There are a number of practices associated with observing shivah. A seven-day candle (provided by funeral home) is lit upon returning from the cemetery. Mourners refrain from sexual relations and avoid forms of entertainment, such as television, during the week. There is also a custom to cover mirrors in the home, to show that we reduce the importance normally placed on personal vanity. Mourners are encouraged to observe the customs of not wearing shoes and sitting on low stools during shivah, which show that we change the way we live during this time.

Visiting Mourners

People pay "shivah calls" to fulfill the mitzvah of nihum avelim, comforting the mourners. These visits demonstrate community concern at the time of loss. The visits help the mourners over the feelings of isolation or desertion, both of which are natural feelings after the death of a loved one. Even if many people have gathered, those present should be sure a party-like atmosphere does not develop. Conversation should center on the life and memories of the departed. Contrary to popular belief, talking about the deceased is helpful to the mourner. Such conversations help the mourner to begin the process of getting over their grief. If you have been through a time of personal grief and the mourner asks you how you felt or how you managed, share your own experience. Mourners often take comfort in knowing that others have experienced similar feelings.

Mourners are not obligated to have food or drink available for those who come to visit.

Shivah Services

It is traditional to hold services at a house of shivah. Our Synagogue can provide prayer books for use in homes. If a family does not have morning and evening services in the home during the week of shivah, it is proper to attend services at the Synagogue and then return home. During shivah, mourners attend Shabbos services at the Synagogue: Friday evening, Saturday morning and evening.

After Shivah

The length of the mourning period varies with on the mourner's relation to the deceased. For all but parents, avelus, the mourning period, ends with shloshim, thirty days after the funeral. For parents, the mourning period lasts a full Hebrew year.

Shloshim, a thirty day period, is the second stage of mourning. Mourners may return to their regular activities in business and home. However, it is appropriate for mourners to refrain from festive activities such as going to the movies, theater, dances or parties.

During the remainder of the mourning period, what may be considered appropriate activities depend largely on the sensibilities of each mourner. During the first year of mourning for one's parents or during the first thirty days of mourning for other relatives we don't go to weddings (one can go to a chuppah only), banquets and concerts.

kadish

The Kadish

Although Jewish Law requires that the Kaddish be recited during the first eleven months following the death of a loved one by prescribed mourners, and on each anniversary of the death the Yahrtzeit, there is no reference, no word even, about death in the prayer!

The theme of Kaddish is, rather, the Greatness of God, Who conducts the entire universe, and especially his most favored creature, each individual human being, with careful supervision. In this prayer, we also pray for peace - from apparently the only One Who can guarantee it - peace between nations, peace between individuals, and peace of mind.

Paradoxically, this is, in fact, the only true comfort in the case of the loss of a loved one. That is, to be able to view the passing of the beloved individual from the perspective that that person's soul was gathered in, so to speak, by the One Who had provided it in the first place.

As Beruriah, the great wife of Rabbi Meir, consoled her husband, upon the death of their two sons, with words to this effect, "A soul is comparable to an object which was given to us - to each individual, to his or her parents and loved ones, to guard and watch over for a limited time. When the time comes for the object to be returned to its rightful owner, should we not be willing to return it? With regard to our sons, let us therefore consider the matter as 'The Lord gave, and the Lord took back, may the Name of the Lord be Blessed!' "

Transliteration:

Yisgadal veYiskadash Shmei Rabo B’Olmo diVro Chireusei veYamlich Malchusey
BeChayeychon UveYomeychon UveChayey DeChol Beis Yisroel
Ba’agolo UviZman Koriv,
VeImru Omein!

Yehe Shmei Rabo Mevoroch LeOlom Uleolmey Olmoyoh.

Yisborach VeYishtabach VeYispoar VeYisromam VeYisnase
VeYishadar VeYis’ale VeYishalal Shme DeKudsha Brich Hu.

Le’elo Min Kol Birchoso VeShiroso Tushbechoso VeNechemoso De’Amiran BeAlmo,
VeImru Omen

Yehe Shlomo Rabo Min Shemaya VeChayim Oleinu VeAl Kol Yisroel
VeImru Omein.

Oseh Sholom Bimromov Hu Yaase Sholom Oleinu VeAl Kol Yisroel
VeImru Omein!

Translation:

May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified in the world that He created as He willed.
May He give reign to His kingship in our lifetimes and in our days,
and in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel, swiftly and soon.
Now respond: Amen.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One,
Blessed is He beyond any blessing and song, praise and consolation that are uttered in the world.
Now respond: Amen.

May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life, upon us and upon all Israel.
Now respond: Amen.

He Who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace upon us, and upon all Israel.
Now respond: Amen.

кадиш

Кадиш

Йисгадаль вэйискадаш шмэй рабо.
Бэолмо ди вро хирусэй вэямлих малхусэй, бэхаейхон увйомэйхон, увхаей дэхоль бэйс Исроэль бааголо увизман корив, вэимру: Омэйн!

Йехэ шмэй рабо мэворах лэолом улэолмэй олмойо.
Йисборах, вэйиштабах, вэйиспоар, вэйисромам, вэйиснасэ,
вэйисхадар, вэйисалэ, вэйисхалаль, шмэй дэкудша брих ху.

Лээйло мин коль бирхосо вэширосо тушбэхосо вэнэхомосо даамиран бэолмо вэимру: Омэйн!
Йехэ шломо рабо мин шмайо вэхайим олэйну вэаль коль Исроэль вэимру: Омэйн!
Осэ шолом бимромов, ху яасэ шолом олэйну вэаль коль Исроэль вэимру: Омэйн!

Перевод

Да возвысится и освятится Его великое имя в мире, сотворенном по воле Его.
И да установит он царскую власть свою при жизни вашей, в дни ваши и при жизни всего дома Израиля,
вскоре, в ближайшее время, и скажем: Омейн!

Да будет великое имя его благословенно вечно, во веки веков!
Да будет благословляемо и восхваляемо, и прославляемо, и возвеличиваемо,
и превозносимо, и почитаемо, и воспеваемо имя святого творца, благословен он.
Превыше всех благословлений и песнопений, восхвалений и утешительных слов, произносимых в мире, и скажем: Омейн! Устанавливающий мир на небесах оно пошлет мир нам, и всему Израилю, и скажем: Омейн!

list of people

 

If you would like us to say Kadish for someone, please contact Heritage office.

Kadish

Last NameHebrew NameKadish StartedKadish EndsYahrzeit
BoguslavskayaShivka bas Gersh01/08/201401/27/20153 of Shevat
BoruchovichDevora bas Feivel11/01/201311/21/201428 of Heshvan
BrodskayaSofia bas Yuriy04/24/201404/13/201521 of Nisan
EisenbergLeib ben Shlomo06/08/201405/28/20158 of Sivan
FisherZhanna bas Yakov02/19/201403/10/201516 of Adar I
GerstenYitzchak ben Israel08/07/201308/27/20141 of Elul
GodinLeib ben Pinchas03/17/201403/06/201512 of Adar II
GorkinaGregory bas 'AVRAHAM'03/31/201403/20/201527 of Adar II
GrachIrene bas Paul12/18/201301/06/201512 of Tevet
IndmanSholom Ber ben Shlomo Meir11/06/201311/25/20141 of Kislev
KanevskiyMichail ben David11/13/201312/02/20148 of Kislev
MaryanFruma bas Yuhuda02/26/201403/17/201521 of Adar I
MatsYisroel ben Chaim09/10/201309/30/20144 of Tishri
MoldavskayaZoya bas Yakov06/15/201308/04/20146 of Av
PavlovskyIrina bas Anatoly02/23/201403/14/201520 of Adar I
PentoYevgeniya bas Alexander08/13/201309/02/20144 of Elul
RyklinRivka bas Mendel01/29/201402/17/201524 of Shevat
ShteyngartKarl ben Yakov09/09/201309/29/20141 of Tishri
ShvartsSemen ben Mark06/20/201307/10/201410 of Tammuz
TsyrkinMoisey ben Zalman02/11/201403/02/20158 of Adar I
VelednitskayaKhana bas Boruch01/08/201401/27/20155 of Shevat
VinokurovaRachil bas Leib01/12/201401/31/201511 of Shevat
YalovetskyDmitry ben Michail03/12/201403/01/20158 of Adar II
YarovinskyManya bas Chaim12/09/201312/28/20143 of Tevet

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UPCOMING EVENTS

Kidush
Saturday, August 2, 11:00 AM
by Anya Indman on occasion of Yuriy's Birthday
Fast of 9th of Av
Monday, August 4, 9:00 PM
The fast commemorating the destruction of our Temple
Kidush
Saturday, August 23, 11:00 AM
by Vladimirskiys & Goizmans on occasion of Eli and Eitan are turning 8!

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